Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Chrysanthemum

 

Last night, I dreamt of us.

We were together on a mountaintop,

I was sitting on the edge,

With my legs dangling above the bottomless pit,

With a lone, white chrysanthemum in my hand as I pull the petals from the stem.

While you were standing above me, looking on, languidly,

None of us wanting to say anything,

My own mental battle sewing my lips to one another,

Unable to speak,

While you were probably trapped within your own mental depths;

In my mind, I was debating between venting and jumping,

Simply over the fact I didn’t know what that look was in your eyes,

But I think that’s probably the point, that we’re no longer of the same kind,

Maybe I changed into something I’m unaware of, maybe you were the one to transform,

But I don’t get the same feel of what used to be,

This is foreign to me,

An unapologetic feeling of extreme apathy,

And that is the unfortunate reality of this situation,

No matter how long I’m trapped in my own mental confines,

Between how I feel and how you’re behaving,

To how your body language reads to what you’re actually saying,

It won’t change a thing, till you speak first.

‘Cause….I’m not gonna talk anymore,

I’ve spoken enough; I’ve done more than enough,

The door isn’t closed, but you can’t force water onto the horse,

And I can’t stand any longer at the door,

I can wait for only so long, before my body loses in-ta-rest, as well

Before my legs fall asleep and my legs numb,

Before my head falls and my eyelids fall even lower,

And I leave in search of my bed.

So, as we sit here for the final time,

If you have something to say, please let it be known,

‘Cause if not, I’ll have to get up and go.

And force you out of my mind, the way I’ve forced out so many others.

So I look up at you and you look down upon me,

My eyes ask the question, “So what’s it gonna be?”

You just blink………..

I get up from my seat, stand at the edge of this peak,

And lazily let the stem fall from my fingertips.

I guess the petals were right in the end……..

This piece is a bit interesting, for me. Some parts of it are pretty straight-forward, others.....not as much. A bit more convoluted. I actually can't say why I titled this poem this way, but...........you'll realize why once you read the piece to the end. :aww:

Another thing, "in-ta-rest" could be read two different ways. 'Interest,' as in, "My body loses interest." Or, 'into rest,' as in, "My body loses into rest." Regardless of how you read it, it means basically the same thing. :nod: Interest is more representative of the mental state; into rest represents more of the tired, exhausted, physical state brought by basically the same thing.

If you read this piece closely, you may be able to put together why I ended the poem the way I did and how, "The petals were right in the end."

My dream was a bit convoluted so I tried my best to make some parts obvious, other parts a bit more subtle. :nod: I hope you enjoy as this piece was fun to write. Personal, but fun. :)

EDIT: I simply cannot believe this. I've received a Daily Deviation for this. My goodness, thank you to all that have faved, commented, and just supported me. ^star-blazer, I give you my sincerest, heartiest, most grateful thanks for this.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-10-07
Chrysanthemum by *chromeantennae is a cleverly written poem, tugging at the emotions. ( Featured by DorianHarper )
:iconsnyrss:
snyrss Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love this "piece" :) It is far more than just a piece :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconbowplz: Thank you so, so much. :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Gah, thank you so much, Mez. :love:
I really love how you described this. :love:
Reply
:iconmez3rika:
Mez3rika Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist
Anytime, dear Ricky. :heart:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful, I really like it! One question: what does, "you can’t force water onto the horse" mean? 
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
It means just that. You can't make the horse take the water, no matter how much the horse may need it or how much sense it makes. It's a metaphor for not being able to make people do something, or see something the way you do, etc., etc.
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :]
Oh, okay, I get it now! XD Interesting... Huh, I'll have to start using it! :D
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Haha, it works! :giggle:
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yup! Hm... "Trying to explain math to him was like trying to force a horse to water." Does that make sense? O.o 
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
More like, "I've been trying to get him to do his math homework but you can't force water onto the horse." :nod:
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ohh okay! I get it now! :D Thankyou! (=
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure. :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconleah084:
Leah084 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
Interesting...loved it.
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad to hear that, thank you. :)
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Student Writer
Whoa. This is really unique! Though I can't grasp it entirely, it seems too... familiar, somehow for me to not at least leave a comment. :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconbowplz: Wow, thank you so much! :)
(I'm so sorry for the late reply, I haven't been feeling very well, lately. :( )
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student Writer
It's no problem at all! :huggle: Gosh, I hope you're feeling a bit better these days. Here's a flower for you! :iconpinklilyplz:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
As luck would have it I actually don't. :noes:

But thank you! :heart: 
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Very interesting poem!!! Someone made a comment on how the Chrysanthemum was a flower of both death and birth? That's so cool...it's like you chose the perfect flower for this poem, really.

I remember reading this a while back but I must have been half-asleep or something because I didn't quite "get" it. Reading it back over, it's pretty straight-forward!

The emotions in this piece reminded me of times like these because it's happened to me before...slightly unsettling. How you could capture those emotions so wonderfully in this piece...really.

I have to point out my favorite lines to you (oh and the in-ta-rest was genius, honestly):

"...Between how I feel and how you’re behaving,

To how your body language reads to what you’re actually saying..."

The rhythm! The wording! I can't get over it! :love:

Oh, and congrats on the DD! You're so awesome!! ^^

Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It is the flower of life and death. :nod:

:nod: I'm glad you get it now. :aww: It really isn't that complex once we delve into it a little bit. :)

Aah yes, exactly. It's a really odd, unfortunate feeling indeed. :no: And thank you ever so much, M. :hug:

(:blush: Wow, thank you so much.)

:love: I really tried to incorporate some good rhythm here and I'm glad you believe so. :D

And thank you so much, my friend! <33 You're pretty awesome yourself, you know that? :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
That's so cool!!
Yeah, heh. ^^;

:nod: Definitely. :hug:

(It's nothing!!)

It totally clicked with me. Just saying! :D

You're really welcome, Ricky!
:giggles: Gosh, thanks!
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:)
:aww:

:tighthug:

(:huggle:)

Yay! :happybounce:

:love:
Reply
:iconprescribed-madness:
Prescribed-Madness Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, chrystanthemums
Flowers of death.
Also my birth flower funnily enough
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, exactly. :nod:
And oh wow, interesting. ^^
Reply
:iconprescribed-madness:
Prescribed-Madness Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's the birth flower for November I do believe
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:nod: I think you're correct.
Reply
:iconnocturnejewel:
NocturneJewel Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013
Wow, I found the emotion in this poem to be very profound and I loved the ending. It had such a beautiful sadness to it and I loved it. :) :iconsparklyroseplz:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so, so, much. :love: I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to comment. :heart: :rose:
Reply
:iconnocturnejewel:
NocturneJewel Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
You're very much welcome! :love: It really is a beautiful poem. :iconrbheartplz:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: :iconlovesplz:
Reply
:icondeviantfela:
DeviantFela Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013
Loved the development of the text. For me, the ending was quite unexpected. Very interesting. :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconbowplz: Thank you so much. I'm really proud of this piece and I'm happy to hear you liked how it turned out. :hug:
Reply
:icondeviantfela:
DeviantFela Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013
You're very welcome! If I wrote something like this I would be proud too! :) Excellent work! :D
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:blushes: :iconbowplz: :heart:
Reply
:icondeviantfela:
DeviantFela Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013
La la la la Hug 
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:happybounce: :huggle:
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations on receiving a Daily Deviation for this piece, Ricky. I cannot believe that I missed celebrating this wonderful achievement with you. 

This is a fantastic piece, quite emotional, and beautifully written. The ending is simply, wow. There is so much impact in that final line: I guess the petals were right in the end……... Your DD is definitely well deserved, this is such a tremendously awesome piece. :heart:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Probably the top comment on this piece to me, Maddi. :iconbowplz:
When I saw your wonderful words on this piece I was smilin' from ear-to-ear. Your support is always so appreciated and thank you for everything. You're amazing, my friend. Thank you. :heart: (And I'm glad I was able to celebrate YOUR DD with you. :iconlovesplz:)

I was proud of this and I'm so thrilled you enjoyed it. :love:
Reply
:iconrociobelindamendez:
rociobelindamendez Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
oh dear.. i fell in love with this piece about falling out of love. It resonates so much, and your words are so beautiful… i love the ending :) love me, love me not? really beautifully written and the in-ta-rest–– I had read it both ways in your description which made it twice as lovely. 
very personal, very emotive, especially relevant..

great :) x
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconbowplz: Wow, thank you so much, my friend. I really appreciate you leaving such an in-depth comment on this piece. :heart:
Reply
:iconrociobelindamendez:
rociobelindamendez Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
mm i loved it! :) you are veryyyy welcome xx
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

I'm so happy to hear that. <3

:)

Reply
:iconaurora9912:
Aurora9912 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:woohoo: Good job!! I am thrilled for you. :clap:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much, Lori! :tighthug:

Your support is always so wonderfully appreciated. :)

Reply
:iconheartofwing:
Heartofwing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Student Artist
very pretty
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much. <3

 

I appreciate you taking time out of your day to comment. :)

Reply
:iconheartofwing:
Heartofwing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Student Artist
your welcome
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconchromeantennae: More from chromeantennae


Featured in Collections

Featured DDs by DorianHarper

Literature by AlFangMindSculptor42


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
August 17, 2013
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,707
Favourites
188 (who?)
Comments
180
×