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Submitted on
June 7, 2013
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Forsaken Fascination

 

There’s something so fascinating about this girl,

Her petite yet athletic frame is so enchanting,

Along with her dainty giggle that is beyond charming,

Her laugh along with her perfect smile is so captivating,

It’s infectious, and when I see it I can’t help but do the same;

To smile with her and laugh along with that beautiful sound,

I wish to learn of the treasures and tales that lie behind the beautiful brown,

And hear the stories behind every tiny little wrinkle and frown;

Oh, how I yearn to seek this young woman’s affection,

But I’m aware of the fact that I can only go so far in my quest,

It would go against my morals if I took another step,

For she is in another man’s domain and I’m not a necessarily welcomed guest,

I’m forever bound by principles; she is with another young fellow,

Oh, but how I continue to wish I could beckon this beautiful demoiselle,

But I’d never be the same if I were to entice another man’s belle,

And I most certainly wouldn’t be able to trust her, nor myself;

So I write about this beauty to express my admiration—and my cognizance,

Of the consequences of stepping onto another man’s abode,

She is simply not mine to court, but rather his and his alone,

Until she decides otherwise; but I wish for nothing less than for him to treasure her soul

There were a lot of things I wanted to do here: First, I wanted to play with a different rhyme scheme; secondly, I wanted to play with different language. :aww: Not language outside of English (Lol, sort of) but utilize my vocabulary a little bit more. In a slightly different yet still simplistic manner. Thirdly, as always, I wanted to get my emotions and thoughts out into the open. 

Lol, I know (I actually met him, yesterday) of this girl's boyfriend so I'm very aware that it is NOT my place to look to go much further with this girl besides friendship. And I'm okay with it, honestly. I have a moral code I live by and one of those principles is to never attempt to undermine others'
relationships. That's just wrong on so many levels and people that do that are dirtbags. Period.  

I just hope he continues to do right by her 'cause she seems to be a great girl and from what I could tell he's treating her well 'cause she was so happy to see him. You can never hate a guy who treats his woman right. :nod: Continue with it, dude. She seems to be quite the catch. :) 

And yes, this was another romantic-ish poem. Y'all should probably expect it, too. Ha!
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:iconkittystar21:
KittyStar21 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is truly amazing! ♥
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Gah, you're totally making my already fantastic day, that much better! Thank you! :tighthug: <3
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:iconkittystar21:
KittyStar21 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awwwe! :huggle:
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconkittystar21:
KittyStar21 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, Ricky, you honestly amaze me with your ability to capture your emotions so poetically and create a piece which is both wonderful and emotive. I have read a number of your pieces, and they are brilliant, but why? Because you are honest and true in your poetry. I believe this to be your greatest strength when it comes to writing, so don't you ever stop doing this. It makes your poetry relatable, and the reader is able to get inside your head and understand your perspective and where you are coming from.

The only thing I would fix would be the use of commas. There seems to be an overuse of them, especially in the beginning. I really think some should be changed to either a full-stop or a semicolon - otherwise it disrupts the flow a little because the sentences run on. However, apart from that, I truly love this piece!

Also, one more thing. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS 16?! Seriously, more teenage boys need to be as sweet and moral as you! :heart:
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you so much. :tighthug:

:nod: I'll definitely take heed on my next long piece like this. Thank you for that.

And finally, thank you so much. This entire comment put a big smile on my face. :blushes:
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:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, I'm so glad! :heart:
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You and me both! :XD:
:heart:
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:iconcalexy:
Calexy Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I loved it. It was enchanting. <3
Beautifully written. It flowed like a steady stream~ < LOL my fail at poetry~ XD
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