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Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

Poems Litterature Typography by TheForsakenGoddess

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Submitted on
March 31, 2013
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I Am….

                                                                                                                                   

I am a human; I’m not flawless by any stretch of the imagination

I’m a loser, I’m a winner

I’m a right-minded, light soul; but I can also be a dark soul full of condemnation

I’m an expert and a beginner

I’m positive, but can get hit with depression

I’m good, I’m bad; I’m a believer, I’m a sinner

I’m clutch, but sometimes can’t handle tough conditions

I’m worse, but I’m better

I’m healthy, but can sometimes be full of infections

My mind’s weighing me down, but my soul is as light as a feather

I don’t need acceptance, but I crave vindication

I have a hard time following my own advice, but I can’t preach it any better

I’m trustworthy but am so full of suspicions

I’m sometimes lazy, but I can also be the hardest worker

I’m a pure heart, but my mind sometimes falls to temptation

My heart may sometimes be full of anger, but you’ll never find a person who will love harder

Quite simply, I am a human being, which already means I’m a living contradiction

Just sort of writing about my previous poetry and how my mind works. Lol, I'm as honest as they come and I write about whatever inspires me. Sometimes it's dark. Sometimes it's upbeat. It just depends on what's going on around me, y'know?
Some of these things are over-exaggerated, while others aren't. Lol, y'all know how it is.

All feedback is appreciated. Whether you love this, like it, or hate it; I wanna know what you guys think. :aww:
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:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think this is a good poem with a strong idea. But I also think it could be even more powerful if you sharpened your lines even further. Let me explain what I mean:

currently those are two of your strongest lines:
I’m worse, but I’m better
I don’t need acceptance, but I crave vindication


Why is that? There is no "sometimes", no "can", no excessive words softening the hard contradictions. You probably used those words to soften the sides that aren't so strong in yourself, or that you just saw as negative.

But I think the impact of this poem could be way stronger if you take out any word that softens one of the sides. Take the raw opposites, sharpen them and crash them into each other.

e.g.
"I’m sometimes lazy, but I can also be the hardest worker"
could turn into "I'm the lazy hardest worker." or maybe even "I am the human sloth, slaving away"

I think you can see what I am getting at. Of course this is just my opinion, so use it if you like or forget about it if you don't :)
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm, very interesting. But I think, I use words to soften the blow of some of these statements because humans are never just one entire thing, completely. You understand what I'm saying? Even the most serious of people aren't always somber. While some of the nicest people aren't always nice. That was to.......lean towards one side of the other, but not delve in completely 'cause not a one person is completely something. Y'know what I mean?

But I sincerely appreciate your awesome feedback, though. :)
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:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I see, so if I understand this right you want to say I am X  for about 90%, but sometimes (10%) I am the opposite? Then of course my suggestion would take away part of the meaning. My suggestion focused more on the "walking contradiction" - more like I am 50% X but also 50% of the opposite.  (did I just try to explain the meaning of a poem with mathematical percentages....:-?)

So if that is what you are aiming for, the 90%-10% is of course totally valid. But if you want t,o you could still consider using "sometimes" and "can" less often to get more variation in your choice of words.

e.g.
"I’m healthy, but can sometimes be full of infections"
could torn into "I’m healthy, but not immune to infections"

Again, just a suggestion (I hope I am not annoying you with them :blushes:). You can of course also just keep it the way it is, if you want to. :)
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:lmao: You sure did just try to do that. :XD:


No, you're not annoying me in the least. This is an open forum and you're sharing your opinion. :)
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:iconcalexy:
Calexy Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer

My mind was just blown.

Well said, my friend. <3

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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. <3
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:iconcalexy:
Calexy Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome~ :D
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D
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:iconadrainea9876:
Adrainea9876 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Amazing! 'Nuff said
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. :)

I really appreciate the comments and favorites, by the way. :D
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