literature

I Wish Love Wasn't Killing My Insides

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Published: Jun 11, 2014

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Literature Text

I Wish Love Wasn't Killing My Insides

_{i wish you were here,
i wish you were here,
i wish you were here,
or that i wasn't.

and i wish i knew who
i was talking about but
all of my sorrows
are merging to become my downfall.
and loving you is killing me
but i'd die if i stopped loving you.
i'd die before i stopped loving you.
and i wish that you saw it,
i wish you could feel it.

and i wish you knew that my tears
were burning the back of my eyes
like rubbing alcohol over an open wound,
and i wish you knew there are butterflies
in my stomach, terrified of the fact
you can't write love
on my hummingbird abdomen.
my pigeon ribcage,
much too narrow to protect
me from the arrow that splinters my heart
every time i don't hear a sound.
and nowadays i never hear anything anymore.
and i don't know if i'm going deaf,
have the speakers turned down,
or if you've just stopped altogether.

i just wish you understood
that you not being here
leaves a crater in my chest
where you once stood.
and i wish you could see that,
realize that i'm hurting too.
and that no matter what
i still want you here with me,
no matter what we're going through.
i wish i wasn't so invisible to you.

and i just wish for three more wishes,
because with so many wishes
made already,
i'm losing touch.
my nightmares becoming reality.

i wish loving you wasn't killing me,
and a really fucked up part of me....
_{_{_{_{just wishes for one of us to be dead already.}}}}}