I’m Sheldon Cooper, Kurt Cobain, and Misunderstood
“That incredible (Depressing, infuriating, complimenting, humbling) moment when you're compared to Kurt Cobain, Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) and called a poet and genius. Which I'd say Kurt and Sheldon are both (Geniuses). But.....my dad compared me to both because after hangin' with family on Sunday, my parents came to me on Monday to talk to me about my poetry sharing. My grandmother pushed me to share a lot of poems with my aunt (Which I did 'cause how can I say no to my grandmother in public?), so I did. I shared.........4 poems, I believe. Girls; Phantom; Metaphyiscal Questions; My Mother. Well, I received a wonderful response from both my aunt and uncle. My uncle was asking me about self-publishing, my aunt asking me how long it took to write all of these poems.
They were all into it and of course my grandmother was just......ecstatic. She talked about crying over my poetry and how it was this, that, and other. I tend to deflect compliments so it wasn't that big of a deal.........until I see the faces of my cousins. After the 3rd poem (Which my grandmother prompted me to show more than 4), they appeared to be disinterested. Which is fine, it didn’t bother me; I just hoped my aunt and uncle didn’t show them if they didn’t care to read it. I was simply showing my aunt and uncle since I wanted them to get to know me a bit better (As well as my cousins). Then it became something bigger than I had hoped for.
The slew of compliments rang in and it made my parents uncomfortable. And to a degree, it was a little weird for me too ‘cause I personally don’t think anything I’m doing is that great. I don’t think it’s horrible-don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think it’s anything worth going bananas over. But-back to my parents, Monday, and why it made them uncomfortable. Since my grandmother, aunt and uncle were praising me so much (And I wasn’t even doing anything but giving them pieces of paper with my writings on them), they fear it made my cousins feel inferior.
And that broke my heart ‘cause everyone knows I don’t look to make anyone feel lesser than. But actually, I want to build people up. But……I apparently didn’t do anything of the sort, Sunday evening. My parents on Monday began to tell me why what I was doing, was a problem. They said sharing my poetry wasn’t bad at all, but with the way my grandmother was speaking of me, they feared it made my cousins (Who are my age) feel inferior. Then my dad proceeded to compare me to Sheldon Cooper saying, ‘You’re similar to Sheldon because you’re both brilliant, everyone here knows that. Most people don’t understand you and just like Sheldon most of the time, you didn’t recognize Sunday, what you were doing were making others uncomfortable.’ I looked at my dad with such offense because I know I’m nothing like that guy. Even if he’s a fictional character, I don’t care for Sheldon (Despite him being hilarious). I asked my dad how he could possible compare me to such a guy; I was the total antithesis of Sheldon Cooper. The guy’s awful to people and just treats people like trash. Of course he doesn’t understand this, but he does it. There’s no way I’m like him.
But my parents said I am. Accordin’ to my dad (Who adores the Big Bang Theory); I was also like Sheldon in the fact I didn’t recognize the signs I was making others uncomfortable (To no fault of my own, mind you). But I did, I just didn’t know what to do because my grandmother was in my ear the entire time. You can’t tell the person who inspired you to write poetry in the first place that you don’t want to show anymore poetry. That’d be messed up.
But then my parents also said I could’ve gotten out of it by making a joke. Which now, I realize I could have, but at the time it never crossed my mind. Then we get into the Kurt Cobain comparisons. My mother and father both tell me that they know I’m not like other kids, but I have to pretend. They’re aware I don’t hang around kids my age, I don’t think like them. I think like my mother and father. Both my sister and I are old people in teens’ bodies.
But I think me, even more so. Simply because I’m a little older, I’m probably even older than what I ‘should’ be (Mentally, at least). So…….I don’t really connect with kids my own age, for the most part (Even though I try my behind off to do just that). Or rather……..kids don’t connect with me. I don’t do stuff they do, I don’t hang out with people (‘Cause I don’t have anyone to do that with), I don’t go to parties (I don’t like parties), I don’t really do the dancin’ and singing (I do rhyming), and I don’t do the sagging pants and fitted hats (They look stupid to me). So……..what else would I have? Video games, right? Nooooot quite. ‘Cause I was playing video games in front of my cousin (Who’s a self-proclaimed gamer) and uncle; and I asked my cousin if he wanted to play which he didn’t seem to want to. And that’s fine, if you don’t feel like it, it is what it is. But……..I let him know if he ever felt like playing, just let me know and I’ll let him play. Then my uncle and cousin watch me play this video game (Football game) and my uncle says, ‘Oh man, you have 73 points in the 3rd quarter?’ I laugh and say, ‘Ha, yeah. You know how people say if you put 10,000 hours into something, you’ll be good at it?’ He says yes and I respond with, ‘Well, I’ve put in my time.’ He starts laughing and his son (My cousin) looks at me with a humorous smile on his face.
This is when I ask him if he wants to play again and he says he’s okay. So I continue to play and beat the CPU, badly (Ended up winning 109 to nothing and this is actually relevant). I even showed him that I was playing on the hardest difficulty which seemed to impress his dad and almost astound him. Then my uncle asks my dad who just came downstairs after freshening up, ‘Did you know Ricky is so good at this game?’ He laughs and jokes, ‘Yeah, I taught him everything he knows.’ My uncle and cousin both laugh and my dad continues to talk about how often we play our ‘Dynasty’ game mode and just tool around on the game.
My uncle thinks it’s cool and says he used to play video games like this for a while (Before life obviously stops stuff like that) and how his son is a great gamer, himself. So I’m wondering why he didn’t want to at least play WITH me on the same team on the game. But I let it go, it’s just a stupid video game.
Then as we start the poetry sharing, my mom brought up my video game playing and she jokes, ‘Ah, Ricky’s good at everything.’ Then my cousin confirmed my suspicions and says “jokingly,” ‘I saw that! I don’t think I wanna play against him after he dropped 100-some odd points on the CPU.’ Everyone laughs and I say it wasn’t that big of a deal ‘cause all one has to do is figure out the CPU’s tricks and we can dominate the game. I then tell my cousin we could even play on the same team and he just kinda blew it off without saying anything. I just thought it was weird ‘cause all I heard was how big of a gamer he was (Just like me), so I thought we could at least enjoy that.
But we didn’t…..for whatever reason. And something as simple as that kinda got me down ‘cause I don’t want anyone feeling bad. ‘Specially over something silly like video games.
But……back to Monday and what my folks were telling me about poetry sharing, video games, and not being like other kids. They told me I had to be adaptable to people and not treat children my age like adults because they’re not. My mom told me she knows I’m a ‘young old man,’ but I have to start thinking young and realize when kids’ peers begin to receive praise they may take it in a negative way. Like I’m arrogant or that I’m better than them (Something I do NOT believe). They told me most immature kids look at other kids as competition (Something I honestly didn’t understand). Then they told me that’s what happened to the old friend of mine (Which just made me so emotional) ‘cause his mother compared me to him. Saying he should be more like me. And………it just…….it sucks ‘cause I lost him ‘cause of his mama, essentially.
And now my parents fear we won’t even be able to connect with our family ‘cause the kids may not like me ‘cause of the praise I was receiving from my grandmother and aunt. That just killed me ‘cause I want nothing more than to have friends here with me. And if it’s family? Even better. But I may have ruined that chance by being……….me. Being good, doing what I’ve learned, what I’ve acquired over the years and been taught. And it breaks my heart ‘cause I’m too damn old mentally for a 16 year old MALE, and too damn young for anything older than 21 ‘cause I’m still 16. I bet a lot of people can relate to this, but none of these people are around here.
That just makes me more upset ‘cause I’m conflicted. Do I really want to be any younger, mentally? I can’t say that I truly do ‘cause then I’d be sacrificing some knowledge and maturity, something I’ve had to grow up to build. But all in the same token I feel weird ‘cause no one my age (Around here) understands me. I’m just some oddball 16 year old according to my peers.
I don’t feel bad now ‘cause I know what I have to do, but………this story was just too odd (To me) to not write about. I’ve been thinking about it all week now. As my friend (Who really helped me, Monday night), dad, and mother said, I just have to adapt to kids my age and be patient. Wait for kids my age to reach my maturity level. ‘Cause apparently I’m so mature. (I feel like a seriously childish tool sometimes, though. But I guess I’m just self-deprecating…..)
For adults around me to heap such praise upon me about being mature, ‘brilliant’ and a genius……I really don’t feel like any of those things most of the time. Aaah, the pleasure of being misunderstood by people your own age…….”