literature

Shells (Evolution)

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Literature Text

Shells (Evolution)

 

Shells of hideousness conceal shattered beauty,

As the shell with the weight of Heaven,

Leaves its entrapping chamber;

It tears your cheeks,

And the seams of your skin.

Taking rest in your ribcage,

Your knees weaken as you lie on the ground,

Clutching the hot wound, as the rest of you…

Is going cold, growing old,

The grim reaper over standing,

Your features lined with fear and understanding.

He takes his scythe taking you into the dark side of the force.

Your vital force escaping Élan vital.

Vitality takes no precedence in time,

Your humanity being eaten away by lies,

“The flow of pass to future.”

As the beginning of time,

Starts when your mortality is unchained,

By the blade of his grim ways.

That shell in your stomach,

Is hideousness concealing your shattered beauty,

You are now…finally set free.

A piece that just came about. Took me about 20-25 minutes to write in total. For those that read the original 'Shells' you'll know that the first line is from this:  ShellsShells
 
Shells of hideousness conceal shattered beauty.
 of the time title. Let me know what you think. :heart:

Every "typo" or "mistake" grammatically here was intentionally made  to pull more or different meanings from this topic has been written about a lot and I wanted to add my own "flair" so to speak, to it. ^_^ 
© 2014 - 2024 chromeantennae
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NotenSMSK's avatar
This is a fine work. In its theme and execution however there are a little typo's or mistakes that I would like to point out. Firstly, a shell is in itself a container so when you say the Shell leaves its entrapping chamber, it sounded odd to me though it did make sense. "The grim reaper, standing over" would suit more. While I try to escape the 'rules' of grammar, at times it seems awkward. Saving over standing seems to be a reciprocal to "understanding". Also, "Dark side of the force" seems to be a Star Wars reference - you may keep it that way if you like. Another thing I would point out is "Flow from pass to future" - do you mean 'past to future'? Just wondering.

Now I like the ending. And that makes me understand the work and make me feel that it does have considerable potential. I am sorry I looked at your works after a long spell... but ah well :meow:

Take care and keep writing!